IN REMEMBERANCE OF
JAMES A. KOPENY, SR.
Jim Kopeny was born in Chicago on November 4, 1944. For pretty much his entire life, he was happy to point out that his birthday was exactly six days after that of his life-long best friend, John Drawer, a fact that clearly made Jim a spring chicken and John a crotchety old man. His sense of timing was slightly different with regards to his older brother, Randall James. Despite being almost two years older than Jim, Jim always referred to Randy as his “little brother.”
He grew up in Chicago on New England Avenue, attending Lutheran elementary and high schools in Chicago. Being a bit of a wild spirit, Jim decided he needed some assistance in focusing on his studies and enrolled at the Citadel. He was always proud of his attendance of the military academy and his service in the reserves afterwards.
We’re getting ahead of ourselves, though. While still in high school, and during breaks from school, Jim worked at Marshall Field’s, a place that will always have a special place in the hearts of the Kopenys. It is amazing how many lasting friendships were formed or strengthened due to mutual employment at Marshall Field’s-- John Drawer worked there, as did Tom Zahnen and Tom Schreiner. Above all, though, it was the place where Jim met his future wife, though most everyone would probably agree that it took a while for him to settle down and center his attentions on The One.
Just before going in to Christmas Eve Mass in 1969, Jim struggled to his knees in the driver’s seat of his Monte Carlo and proposed to Mary.
On August 29, 1970 Jim and Mary were married in a ceremony that will be remembered by everyone that attended it, though not for all the reasons the bride and groom may have wished. On a sweltering day, the bride fainted at the church. Things didn’t improve at the reception, where the air conditioner in the reception hall broke down, resulting in numerous glasses from the reception hall meeting their untimely demise when a group of overheated inebriated guests sent the glasses out the window and two floors down to the ground.
On June 30, 1972, James Allen Kopeny Jr. was born. Though Jim initially thought that having children signaled the end of his and Mary’s youth, he quickly changed his mind when he admitted that little Jimmy had actually added a whole new dimension to his life. After returning home with Jimmy, Jim and Mary struggled to figure how to put on the cloth diaper so that it wouldn’t fall off because Jim had never changed a diaper before and Mary had not done so in a long time. The proud parents had decided that, with a baby, they should finally get air conditioning in the house. On that first day, however, the installation was still in the final stages and time was of the essence. In the end, they learned how to change diapers, a skill that would come in extremely handy for years to come.
On August 28, 1974, Jason Byron was born. A life-long Lutheran up until that point, Jim surprised Mary by telling her he was going to convert to Roman Catholicism. Thus, Jason and Jim were accepted into the Church on the same day.
Job prospects and finances took the four Illinoisans away from their home turf and introduced them to the great state of Texas. That move was the first of several times that Jim had to spend months away from his family, as he began a job in a new state and his family packed up and sold the house in the old state. Once the family joined Jim in Texas, and after several months in the home of Mary’s parents, the family moved onto a ranch. The previous owner had convinced the young parents that cattle pretty much take care of themselves and Jim believed him, confident he could work at his department store job during the day and run the ranch at night. Jim’s visions of being a gentleman rancher quickly evaporated when the bottom fell out of the cattle market and he found himself with 28 or so cattle that required more of his income than his family did.
On January 26, 1976, Jim and Mary had their third son, Sean Thomas. When the proud parents brought Sean home, Jim Jr. informed his parents that he liked his new brother and all, but could they go back to the hospital and get a girl also.
Though he went on Boy Scout camping trips with all of his sons, and did an admirable job doing so, Jim was never a great outdoorsman. The Kopeny boys were not raised on fishing or camping trips. Instead, the family would take trips by piling into the station wagon (parents in the front, two boys in the back seat and one boy lying down in the far back in-between all the luggage) and driving halfway across the country to see historical sites, family, and whatever else might come up along the way. While there were the inevitable moments where he threatened to “pull the car over” or “go back home,” he and Mary devised the ingenious “hundred mile treat” program that focused their sons’ attentions on the mileage (for every 100 miles they got to draw from a goody bad of toys and candy bars) rather than punching each other.
Jim’s personality shows through in all the jobs he held at one time or another: at Marshall Field’s he had numerous jobs ranging from a silver polisher all the way up to the manager of a department, elsewhere he was a bartender, fill-in check-cashing guard, and new car salesman. For home building companies he was a project manager for a large subdivision, construction superintendent, purchasing agent, new home salesman. At other times and other places he was also a paralegal, car inspector, telemarketer, manufactured housing salesman, limousine driver, delivery truck driver, attorney and rancher. Sometimes these were primary jobs and sometimes these were second and third jobs. To an extent, his range of jobs captures the restlessness that always seemed to sit just below Jim’s surface. But it also captures his inquisitive nature and his devotion to guaranteeing he provided for his family. Finally, it also shows his devotion to affording the toys he so desperately wanted, like an ’82 Corvette and a 65” large-screen TV.
Above all, though, he was a lawyer, his aspiration since he was young. He became a licensed attorney after returning to law school in the early 1990’s, attending four years of night school at the Detroit School of Law and the John Marshall Law School. After a couple more jobs, he finally found a home (and many friends) at Site Acquisition Consultants, where he practiced telecommunications and zoning law for the rest of his life.
His sons’ feelings can be summarized by something Jim Jr. wrote in the beginning of July (with the exception of the part about wearing dresses . . . you’ll understand):
“All this has got me thinking about my dad and what kind of person he is. On one hand I’m not sure he’s always been a great husband since he’s human and we all act kinda dumb from time to time. What I do know is that he’s always been a great father. He’s always been there when I need him, he’s always done whatever it took to put food on the table (even if it meant going from being the Vice –President of a company to loading trucks on a dock just to pay the bills) and he’s always let me know that no matter how much I screw up he still loves me. Heck, he even dealt with seeing his son in a variety of dresses, make-up, masks, hair-colors, piercings, tattoos and all the other crazy stuff that goes with having a son as an artist/writer musician. Keep in mind he dealt with most of this in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s before every kid in every suburban high school was looking that way and I think you’ll begin to see what patient and understanding people both my parents are. I guess that’s why I get so angry and then sad and then angry and then sad about the prospect of him not being around to see my try to do the good job he did with my own kids (whenever that time comes.)”
This isn’t a eulogy so much as a biography. That’s partially because Jim was so many things at so many times, it is difficult to generalize about him in the ways that would be necessary for a eulogy. However, it is also because his family, co-worker, and friends have eulogized him countless times in the last month and a half. They eulogized him every time they commented, either to the family or someone else, that he was “like an older brother,” that they “would miss his cheery personality around the office,” and any other number of kind words and memories.
There are some things that encapsulate Jim. One of those is the way that he would be looking somewhere else but, if he noticed you were looking in his direction, he would turn and flash a half-mischievous, half-affectionate smile.
He will be sorely missed, but he would be disappointed if he knew that anyone was centering on his absence, rather than what his presence had meant to them. In Jim’s memory, please remember and celebrate the time we did get to spend with him rather than his all too early departure.
He grew up in Chicago on New England Avenue, attending Lutheran elementary and high schools in Chicago. Being a bit of a wild spirit, Jim decided he needed some assistance in focusing on his studies and enrolled at the Citadel. He was always proud of his attendance of the military academy and his service in the reserves afterwards.
We’re getting ahead of ourselves, though. While still in high school, and during breaks from school, Jim worked at Marshall Field’s, a place that will always have a special place in the hearts of the Kopenys. It is amazing how many lasting friendships were formed or strengthened due to mutual employment at Marshall Field’s-- John Drawer worked there, as did Tom Zahnen and Tom Schreiner. Above all, though, it was the place where Jim met his future wife, though most everyone would probably agree that it took a while for him to settle down and center his attentions on The One.
Just before going in to Christmas Eve Mass in 1969, Jim struggled to his knees in the driver’s seat of his Monte Carlo and proposed to Mary.
On August 29, 1970 Jim and Mary were married in a ceremony that will be remembered by everyone that attended it, though not for all the reasons the bride and groom may have wished. On a sweltering day, the bride fainted at the church. Things didn’t improve at the reception, where the air conditioner in the reception hall broke down, resulting in numerous glasses from the reception hall meeting their untimely demise when a group of overheated inebriated guests sent the glasses out the window and two floors down to the ground.
On June 30, 1972, James Allen Kopeny Jr. was born. Though Jim initially thought that having children signaled the end of his and Mary’s youth, he quickly changed his mind when he admitted that little Jimmy had actually added a whole new dimension to his life. After returning home with Jimmy, Jim and Mary struggled to figure how to put on the cloth diaper so that it wouldn’t fall off because Jim had never changed a diaper before and Mary had not done so in a long time. The proud parents had decided that, with a baby, they should finally get air conditioning in the house. On that first day, however, the installation was still in the final stages and time was of the essence. In the end, they learned how to change diapers, a skill that would come in extremely handy for years to come.
On August 28, 1974, Jason Byron was born. A life-long Lutheran up until that point, Jim surprised Mary by telling her he was going to convert to Roman Catholicism. Thus, Jason and Jim were accepted into the Church on the same day.
Job prospects and finances took the four Illinoisans away from their home turf and introduced them to the great state of Texas. That move was the first of several times that Jim had to spend months away from his family, as he began a job in a new state and his family packed up and sold the house in the old state. Once the family joined Jim in Texas, and after several months in the home of Mary’s parents, the family moved onto a ranch. The previous owner had convinced the young parents that cattle pretty much take care of themselves and Jim believed him, confident he could work at his department store job during the day and run the ranch at night. Jim’s visions of being a gentleman rancher quickly evaporated when the bottom fell out of the cattle market and he found himself with 28 or so cattle that required more of his income than his family did.
On January 26, 1976, Jim and Mary had their third son, Sean Thomas. When the proud parents brought Sean home, Jim Jr. informed his parents that he liked his new brother and all, but could they go back to the hospital and get a girl also.
Though he went on Boy Scout camping trips with all of his sons, and did an admirable job doing so, Jim was never a great outdoorsman. The Kopeny boys were not raised on fishing or camping trips. Instead, the family would take trips by piling into the station wagon (parents in the front, two boys in the back seat and one boy lying down in the far back in-between all the luggage) and driving halfway across the country to see historical sites, family, and whatever else might come up along the way. While there were the inevitable moments where he threatened to “pull the car over” or “go back home,” he and Mary devised the ingenious “hundred mile treat” program that focused their sons’ attentions on the mileage (for every 100 miles they got to draw from a goody bad of toys and candy bars) rather than punching each other.
Jim’s personality shows through in all the jobs he held at one time or another: at Marshall Field’s he had numerous jobs ranging from a silver polisher all the way up to the manager of a department, elsewhere he was a bartender, fill-in check-cashing guard, and new car salesman. For home building companies he was a project manager for a large subdivision, construction superintendent, purchasing agent, new home salesman. At other times and other places he was also a paralegal, car inspector, telemarketer, manufactured housing salesman, limousine driver, delivery truck driver, attorney and rancher. Sometimes these were primary jobs and sometimes these were second and third jobs. To an extent, his range of jobs captures the restlessness that always seemed to sit just below Jim’s surface. But it also captures his inquisitive nature and his devotion to guaranteeing he provided for his family. Finally, it also shows his devotion to affording the toys he so desperately wanted, like an ’82 Corvette and a 65” large-screen TV.
Above all, though, he was a lawyer, his aspiration since he was young. He became a licensed attorney after returning to law school in the early 1990’s, attending four years of night school at the Detroit School of Law and the John Marshall Law School. After a couple more jobs, he finally found a home (and many friends) at Site Acquisition Consultants, where he practiced telecommunications and zoning law for the rest of his life.
His sons’ feelings can be summarized by something Jim Jr. wrote in the beginning of July (with the exception of the part about wearing dresses . . . you’ll understand):
“All this has got me thinking about my dad and what kind of person he is. On one hand I’m not sure he’s always been a great husband since he’s human and we all act kinda dumb from time to time. What I do know is that he’s always been a great father. He’s always been there when I need him, he’s always done whatever it took to put food on the table (even if it meant going from being the Vice –President of a company to loading trucks on a dock just to pay the bills) and he’s always let me know that no matter how much I screw up he still loves me. Heck, he even dealt with seeing his son in a variety of dresses, make-up, masks, hair-colors, piercings, tattoos and all the other crazy stuff that goes with having a son as an artist/writer musician. Keep in mind he dealt with most of this in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s before every kid in every suburban high school was looking that way and I think you’ll begin to see what patient and understanding people both my parents are. I guess that’s why I get so angry and then sad and then angry and then sad about the prospect of him not being around to see my try to do the good job he did with my own kids (whenever that time comes.)”
This isn’t a eulogy so much as a biography. That’s partially because Jim was so many things at so many times, it is difficult to generalize about him in the ways that would be necessary for a eulogy. However, it is also because his family, co-worker, and friends have eulogized him countless times in the last month and a half. They eulogized him every time they commented, either to the family or someone else, that he was “like an older brother,” that they “would miss his cheery personality around the office,” and any other number of kind words and memories.
There are some things that encapsulate Jim. One of those is the way that he would be looking somewhere else but, if he noticed you were looking in his direction, he would turn and flash a half-mischievous, half-affectionate smile.
He will be sorely missed, but he would be disappointed if he knew that anyone was centering on his absence, rather than what his presence had meant to them. In Jim’s memory, please remember and celebrate the time we did get to spend with him rather than his all too early departure.
posted by James A. Kopeny at 10:26 AM
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